The results of a CBS News poll from about a couple of weeks ago were announced with the headline: "Most Oppose Gay Weddings" (emphasis mine). Being one who fervently believes that the Constitution should be amended to ban all weddings, gay or sad, I'd have registered my opposition to gay weddings as well if I were one of the poll subjects. I'm gay and hope to marry someday but I don't want no part of all that sissy crap like china patterns and wedding gowns and bridesmaids and shit! And WTF's a "rehearsal dinner"? It has been like eons since the times of my Neanderthal ancestors, who hadn't yet made the connection between eating and dinner. We've come a long way since then. If I threw a dinner party, I wouldn't invite anyone who didn't share this lineage so I'm pretty sure all present would excel at it unrehearsed.

Since my attention-span hadn't run out yet, I went on to read the story. "Most Americans oppose gay marriage - and opposition seems to be increasing," it said. Wait, not so fast! I was with them on the wedding opposition but now everyone's in a swivet over the prospect of the likes of me getting married! This is not good, they tricked me. That's it, no more Mr. Nice Gay!

Marriage is for breeding, you say. Well, as Monty, a wise blogger, points out, that's not quite accurate:

People say that the purpose of marriage is to procreate... but that simply isn't true. That's what fucking does, not marrying.

Even all those new-fangled scientific ways to breed, that don't involve fucking, don't require marriage. Besides, we gays have been fucking as long as you have and we haven't put a damper on your breeding so stop worrying.

Then you say that my gay marriage would threaten the sanctity of your non-gay marriage. I know that you don't mean "sanctity" in the religious sense because I'm sure you like your freedom of religion as much as I like mine. So, you're probably just getting nervous about the end of your monopoly on marriage. I understand. You have nothing against your gay friends but it's disconcerting to have your thoughts of your daughter in her wedding dress be invaded by the image of a drag queen saying the same vows in a more fabulous outfit. That must be rough, particularly since this is the ritualized myth of marital perfection that you've cherished as the foundation of all that is good in your world. Take heart, the ideal that you're afraid of losing is only an abstract one, the reality is already messy with divorce, single-parenthood and stuff all over the place. Letting gays in could very well bring a degree of tasteful decorum.

Getting back to my original peeve, why don't we join forces to abolish weddings on one hand - all the fuss over them only sets people up to be disappointed in what follows - and, on the other, fortify marriage by giving the people who're willing to fight for it a stake in it?

--aslam

10:54:31 PM